The being good story

Draft : 26th Feb '13

All my life, i always think that i am a good person. Selalu ikut cakap mak ayah. Avoid cakap kasar ngan mak ayah, and it is the hardest thing to do. Dulu kecik2, selalu bilang setiap hari bape kali kena marah ngan mak, and the next day i will do my bes untuk tak dimarahi lagi dah. When i talk to people pun i will avoid using harsh words. Menyumpah, jarang sekali. I do said bodoh or bangang once or twice, but that was all about it. Kadang hati tersentak bila dengar orang cakap kasar because i am not used to it. And i always pride myself for that. Orang kata, dalam hidup ni kita kena jaga hubungan dengan Allah, dengan alam dan sesama umat. And that is what ive been trying to do. I dont want people to hate me or terasa with words that i said.

Tonite, it downs on me that i am not good as i thought. I still talked about people. Masih mengumpat mengadu domba membawa cerita buruk. I do said 'shit' when i drive or something bad happen. Its actually a worst kind of feeling, knowing that u are a bad person.

And sometimes, orang tak paham. When i use different words to convey the meaning of a sentence to avoid the other person of being hurt, i am labelled as bermulut manis. Pandai putar belit. Oh gosh. All i think was tanak dia terasa, i think i am doing a good thing, but apparently thats not how the other person feel.

People dont understand. I am really not a bad person. My yearly resolution is to be nice to people. To not talking bad about others. And on my birthdays, i told myself to be more honest and be more good. But now i
felt like i am going nowhere. Like i am no good at all. Like all my thoughts are filthy, dishonest. My words are all twisty. That is bad. Am i really bad?

the 'segalanya di hujung jari' story

Salam :)

the internet connection is a bit crazeeee at the office right now since yesterday, and i cant even get into Maybank2u. My salary was in on Monday means yesterday, but i cannot do any online banking due to limited connectivity. last night i had to drive into town, been queuing at a few banks to do my transaction and it was very the hassle. before this i only had to click click click and everything being paid. just imagine, i am now a government employee, and most people are as well including 'abang' askar 'abang' polis makcik kerani so there were quite a queue la at the bank last night. and still today the connection was not very good as well and it is soooo driving me nuts.

life is sooo empty without internet connection. sigh.

the loft story

Salam :)

when people asked me what is my dream house, i dont know how to explain to them. well actually, takde yang tanya pun, just that rasa nak describe dream house kat orang then tak reti tak describe cemane so end up tak cerita pun kat orang. haha. okay, dream house. my dream house would be a house with many glasses.  not the luxury-looking one, more like a compact house with ceiling to floor glasses. couldnt imagine it? well have you seen Gossip Girl or New Girl? both series were based in Manhattan, NY. dalam GG, cuba tengok rumah yang Dan Humprey duduk tu. that is a loft. sama jugak macam NG, rumah yang dorang duduk tu lebih kurang macam loft jugak. ada satu scene, episode 24 in season 1, that they showed Jess's bedroom. omaigadddd comel nye ada tingkap macam tuuu. kebanyakan kalo tengok hollywood movies yang kat NY, mostly umah dorang mesti bentuk loft camtu. and that is, ladies and gentlemen, my dream house. paling best sebab tingkap dia tu best. kekeke.

Nampak tak the floor to ceiling glass??

credit: Mr Google

tapi kat malaysia ni, mungkin tak practical ada umah camni. you think? humm. if i am to design one pun, i gotta have lotsa money la to build one complete with all the safety system as a precaution.

The wedding preparation story

Salam,

I havent started any of the actual wedding preparation yet, except for googling this and that but suddenly i feel depress and malas and kusut.

And ohh, what was my theme color again? Lupa. Can someone please manage all the things for me?

the trip to the dentist story

Salam :)

i have had this gigi berlubang since i was in Standard 5,  i think. seriously. it doesnt hurt, thats why i never once go to the dentist before. Never. Once. ohh wait. ada sekali aritu. hehehe.

well my gigi berlubang started when i was in Standard 5. tatau la macamana Standard 5 and 6 aritu boleh lepas pemeriksaan tahunan doktor gigi yang tiap tiap tahun datang sekolah tu. when i was in sekolah menengah lagi la, there was no doctor at all. and since it didnt hurt, i didnt go to any dentist la. scary woooo nak gi dentist ni, with the drill and what not. i am not a penakut person mind you, but i really do afraid of dentist. i dont mind having stitches ke broken arm ke, but to lie down while dentist poke your gums teeth whatsoever? no, thank you.

then when i was doing my diploma, i had to bring my brother to dentist in klinik kerajaan. at that time i thought, while waiting for him, might as well i pun get myself a checkup, no? so off i went into the dentist clinic. honestly, i forgot how did it went. was there any pain? humm, i dont remember. it was all blurry. maybe it went horribly wrong thats why my brain blocked the memory to avoid the painful scene. haha. but the thing is, they did tampal my gigi, but the 'cement' came off weeks later. i called it cement, because thats what my parents and oldies called it. haha. i forgot the correct name for the thing but it is something that start with 'c' jugak, no?

later on, when my one and only attempt to fix the hole-ness in my gigi went down, never did i went to the dentist again. until about 2 months back, i had another cavity in the left side of my mouth. lets call this Cavity 2. Cavity 1 was at the top right. focus on the 'was' people. hehe. so what happen was, i had Cavity 2, and within 2 months it had turns into a bigggg hole which will capture ALL food that i ate. everything got stuck in that, and it has been my routine to 'clean' it up after every meal. this Cavity 2 didnt cause me pain as well. but it does effect my daily life. and Cavity 1 has been given me 'sengal sengal' feeling lately. alaa rasa sengal yang macam gigi nak tercabut tu? haa camtu la rasa. so last night, i just made up my mind to pay another visit to the dentist to fix the cavities.

so this morning, off i went to the klinik pergigian. it was still early, around 8.10, and i was the 1st one there. when the nurse called me, i didnt feel nervous at all. i just went into the clinic, answer all question that the dentist asked, do things that nurse asked me to do (close eyes, open eyes, hold this, hold that, etc), then voila, finish ! there was no pain at all. hebattt.

but the dentist only fix Cavity 1 only, i had to come back for Cavity 2. its okay, its not horror anymore, and it takes less than 1 hour of waiting and fixing so no biggie. hehe.

and now my Cavity 1 has been fixed, hope this cement will last and the food will taste extra nice. hehe.

p/s: it still feel a bit sengal when i touch it. will it heal? for good?

the terasa and 2013 cny story

nak terasa ke? humm. tak payah la. tak terasa pun. salah sendiri, sape suh balik lambat. orang busy. lain kali jangan ajak dah.

salam :)

today is wednesday. okay, sejujurnya boleh lupa macamana nak eja wednesday. seb baik tak sempat google, ingat kat kalendar tulis 'wed' so sambung jadi wednesday. hehe. seriously, wednesday is spelled wed-nesday? patut nanti kawen on wednesday, baru la wed-ding nama nya. wednesday wedding. a wednesday theme wedding. hehehe.

okay berbalik kepada persoalan. today is wednesday, semalam dan kemarin cuti cny. weehuuu. cuti tak balik kampung. amazinggg aint it? well, takde duit, tak boleh nak balik T_T. lain kali aja, nak sedih pun tade guna.

student cuti, maka saya hanya di office mendonlod movie dan mem-browsing. much fun.

The Friend Story

Salam

Hey there friend. You know, i got bored tonite, just finished my drama marathon the other night, and suddenly i found myself watching Secret Garden. Do you remember the Korean series? The one that you recommended to me, and the one that got both of us to stay up late and becoming zombie at work.

Dear friend,

Our friendship, is one of a kind. Sometime i think its similar to being in a love relationship. I could still remember the 1^st time you talked to me, up to the point that i remember the cute top you were wearing. I was the newbie then, only started work for about a month or so. Our department was next to each other, and at the time i was buddying with J. You came up to us, and then you said hi to me. I never told you this, but i thought you were married back then. Hahaha. Hilarious, i know. Why did i think that? Simply because at that time J asked you about the baby. Me being in the new work surrounding, simpy thought that because i coudnt really tell the difference between married and unmarried person at the moment. So, despite that your petite-ness, when i heard you were talking about baby, i just straight away thought that you’re married. Little did i know that you and J were referring to your niece back then. 

From then on, we started to get to know each other. I remember everything clearly, you asking me about my hometown, asking for my phone number which i sheepishly gave out (don’t ask me why, told you it feels as if we were like getting to know each other in a romantic way). When i got my 1^st pay, i talked about going shopping in hope that you would go with me. See, its like we courted each other. We get to talk, go to lunches together. Went shopping, mostly Alamanda after office hour. I didn’t remember our first ‘date’ tho. But i still could remember how i feel when you first texted me, confirming our date. 

We were from a very different world but we clicked like nobody. We never really talked about our friendship, but i know deep down we both know that we are comfortable with each other. I could really tell you everything and you will just listen, especially when you didn’t agree with me and you thought i was wrong. You support me and correct me when im wrong. That is what i most respect about you.

Friend, 

I am on my path right now, and you in yours. I couldn’t really explain it, but i fell sad. I guess i could say that we are close, but this feel as tho we are going apart. Since before this we met everyday at the office, we rarely texted or stayed on the phone, so since i am here and you are there, and we rarely texted nor fb-ing, i fell like im losing you. This is kinda embarrassing to say, but i missed you, Friend.