The ramblings story

I always wonder, where did i do wrong. Everytime i plan to do better, its always become otherwise. 

This doesnt make sense. Kadang tak paham. Taktau mana salah. 

Kadang tak paham. Why do human choose to say negative things. 

Kadang tak paham. Mengadu, salah. Tak mengadu pun salah. 

I use to seek comfort in writing, but not anymore. It was like i ran out of ideas. 

I understand people. But not anymore. 

I was an optimistic person. Not anymore. 

 

People say, i win some and i loose some. 

Tak paham. Serius tak paham. Taktau mana nak cari jawapan. 

Selalu rasa macam ada time bomb. Drp elok-elok, tiba-tiba situasi boleh berubah 180. Tak pahammmm. Please. 

The post baby blues

Assalamualaikum

Before baby arrive, i thought i would have plenty of time on my hand. That i would be able to play with my phone all day long. Never have i've been so wrong in my life. 

Having a newborn baby took up almost all of my time. I didnt get eniugh sleep duringvthe night, eventhough i'm able to sleep i always wake up every half an hour  , checking the baby. Did i hear him cry? Did i hear him squeek? Does he breathing? Why was there no sound coming from him? There. The paranoia me. 

During the day, i would rush to take a shower, or have a proper meal. Having a proper meal is not really a highlight of my day since it was tasteless and boring, but i had no other choice. Taking a bath is no pleasure either. I always keeping my ears tune in to the sound of my baby. Did i hear him cry? Is he hungry yet? Did he poo poo? He will be cranky if he poo poo. There. The paranoia me. 

And during the day, there will be people coming to see the baby. And i have to dress up as proper as any women in confinement would. No, dont compare me to those VS angels. They were no human. There were not even a scar on those purrrfect body, much less an ounce of extra fat! 

I wouldnt get enough sleep during the day either. Why, because 1st: the paranoia me will took over. 2nd: there were so much to do during the day. It was such a wonder if i could get 15 minutes of pure sleep. 

Well, then how am i able to upload this if i really dont have time on my hand? Time management darling. Time management. Baby is a week and a few days old now, and i'm about to getting a hang on managing this little cutie. We have an agreement, you know. I feed him full, wash the poo poo. And he will sleep. And i can do whatever i want to do, for about 30 mins. If i choose to sleep, then sleep. If i want to eat, then go eat. Or else, i would waste my time blabbering about time here in blog. 

My friend used to say, nikmat yang tuhan tarik balik lepas dapat baby ialah nikmat kesenangan, sebagai ganti kepada nikmat kebahagian yang dikurniakan dengan hadirnya baby. 

So true my dear. And i would choose you, my son, over everything else. 

Nothing else matters, kata Nirvana. 

The birth date story

Assalamualaikum dear baby, 

I guess i'll be seing you today. You were actually scheduled to be born by 1st August, but maybe you are too excited to see Mommy and Daddy before raya, right? 

Alhamdulillah, Mommy and Daddy had enough time to prepare for your delivery, except for a few other things such as breast pump and ohh, you dont have tilam yet. Its ok, we buy that later k. Importantly you do have your mosquito net to ward off the bad mosquito. 

Mommy went for a 2 and a half day courses earlier this week, starting from Monday to Wednesday noon. Daddy was with Mommy during the last day, so we drove back home, settle a few things and prepare for a buka puasa. Just before the buka puasa, Mommy and Daddy talked to you and ask that you wait until maybe the 2nd day of raya to come out. But ohh Allah do have a plan for us, just after buka puasa, around 8pm, my amniotic membrane broke. 

And there we were, rushing to the hospital where your aunt Ika is working. 

On that day, you were 36weeks and 5days, only 2 days short of 37 weeks. You were considered as prematured. But everything else was normal, Mommy dont have any pain nor fever and you were doing great as well. During scan, you were at 2.69 kg. Your heartbeat was normal, everything else was normal. 

Our condition is called PPROM. You can googled it later. 

Then Mommy had to be admitted, and monitored to see if i will continue to have other sign of labor. Next day come, no signs coming. No contraction, no bleeding, no back pain. My amniotic fluid continue to leak, but doctor said its nothing to worry about. Doctor said to wait until today, 11th of July to induce the labor. 

The induce process will start later after breakfast. Hopefully everything will go smoothly. 

You will be born on Friday during Ramadhan alkareem. Mommy and Daddy pray that you will be a strong and a true Muslim. InsyaAllah we'll meet soon sayang. 

The a month story

Dear son, 

How are you doing inside? You really are full of wonders. Sekejap menendang time pagi, kadang time malam. Tak tentu ye baby. 

It will going to be a month from now. Mommy tak nampak kaki dah time berdiri. Tummy is as big as a watermelon. I wonder how it'll be like, having you in my arms. 

Do you think i'm going to be a good mother? Someone think to doubt it. 

Just be good inside there sayang. Mommy dont mind having you in there. I went a lot of changes while having you, and its all worth it. I know you are a hood son, never given me much trouble. I could still drive, i could still eat. You are there with me anywhere i go. 

And yet, mommy wonder..

The kicking story

Dear boy, 

You do move a lot during night time, do ya?

It would be exactly 32weeks tomorrow, and my ohh my are you doing kickboxing inside there?

The bengkak kaki story

Salam and hi,

Starting last week (21 weeks), kaki dah start bengkak. Bawah pinggang belah kanan pun sakit, causing me to sit uncomfortably when driving balik kl lepas kerja. Sampai kl, as usual sangkut dalam jam. Ohh very the painful. Well, no one understands right?

Baby, nanti baby keluar nanti tolong urut kaki mommy ye? Mommy promise to give you lotsa kisses. 

The idea in me story

I had this idea in me. 

About things that i'm so passionate about. 

Thing is, when something got stuck in my head, its nearly impossible to get it out. 

From just a simple idea, come a few other ideas to make things work. 

I got this overflowing ideas in my head right now. 

But then...

Sigh. 

The barang baby story

Salam and hi :)

Dear baby, mommy tengah tengok list barang untuk awak ni. Banyak tau nak kena beli ni sayang. Mommy risau mommy kurang iman je nak beli macam-macam nanti, hihi. 

Moga Allah permudahkan, ye sayang?

The kicking story

Assalamualaikum and hi :)

How are you doing in there, dear baby?

Its been 20 weeks now, and finally mommy started to feel you kicking. Alhamdulillah. 

Bangun pagi, mommy dah rasa blob blob dalam perut, but i guess it was just my hungry tummy. Then after breakfast, i can feel like someone is scratching from the inside. Mommy and daddy went to watch need for speed later on, then head back home. 

Balik umah, seronok golek2 then mommy called daddy, suh tengok perut sebab mommy rasa cam pelik. Then it happens, perut nampak berombak. Weee. U are kicking!!

Be safe and strong inside sayang. Mommy and daddy love you much. 

The woke up story

At 3 in the morning, i woke up and coudn't go back to sleep. Its been a few days now. Not that i had enough sleep in the afternoon. 

I should go and recite quran huh? Lazy me malas betul nak bangun T_T

The pregnancy hormones talking story

I feel tired. 

I dont feel pretty, i feel bloated. 

Mommy dont blame you son, nor did mommy being ungrateful. 

I am just tired, and people dont understand. 

I cannot do much work. I cant eat whatever i want. I have to catch up with hospital appointments. I have to remember to eat vitamins and medication everyday. 

I have a constant back pain. Im constipated. I always have a nose bleed. 

I know, after all the pain, i will have you dear. I just dont want to be alone in this. 

Give mommy a kiss to get me through all this, will ya? 

The post minum air gula story

Assalam and hi :)

Went to my usual monthly checkup yesterday along with minum air gula process. 

And guess what. My sugar content was at 8. Hewhewhew. 

Too badddd. I am officially gestational diebetic. 

And for the following months, i have to be careful of my daily sugar intake. 

For the 1st day after the checkup, i think i'm on the verge of failing. Pagi tadi dah makan biskut tiger. Then during breakfast i behave sikit, amek horlick kosong and bihun. Then at 12 noon, lapar balik so makan lunch. Still behaving as i took small portion of rice only. Buttttt, someone bring over moist choc cake at the office. And there goes my diet. 

Sigh. 

Mommy will try again tomorrow, son. InsyaAllah. 

The Boboy #1 Story

Dear Boboy, 

Mommy went for monthly checkup just now, along with minum air gula and scan. Daddy couldnt come as he has to take care of your paksu Haziq, he was admitted with dengue last saturday. 

But guess what dear baby. Mommy know that you're a boy! InsyaAllah, doctor can see your birdie but mommy cant. Hihi. The scanner resolution was very poor, all i can see is your heart, your tummy, your head and your tulang peha. 

Alhamdulillah. 

Mommy and daddy hope you are growing up well. 

The kenapa story

Kadang-kadang terpikir. 

Kenapa wujudnya ketidak adilan. 

Kenapa orang yang cepat naik pangkat adalah orang yang jenis pandai mengipas. 

Kenapa perlu adanya lembut dan keras. 

Kenapa adanya malang dan tuah. 

Kadang-kadang terpikir. Di mana salah sebenarnya. 

The not yet midnite story

There are memories that are forever sketch in you. 

It has faded during years, but sometime it suddenly arises to the surface. 

Things that are forever there, as distance as the stars above, as blur as the heavy morning fog.