The ramblings story

I always wonder, where did i do wrong. Everytime i plan to do better, its always become otherwise. 

This doesnt make sense. Kadang tak paham. Taktau mana salah. 

Kadang tak paham. Why do human choose to say negative things. 

Kadang tak paham. Mengadu, salah. Tak mengadu pun salah. 

I use to seek comfort in writing, but not anymore. It was like i ran out of ideas. 

I understand people. But not anymore. 

I was an optimistic person. Not anymore. 

 

People say, i win some and i loose some. 

Tak paham. Serius tak paham. Taktau mana nak cari jawapan. 

Selalu rasa macam ada time bomb. Drp elok-elok, tiba-tiba situasi boleh berubah 180. Tak pahammmm. Please. 

The post baby blues

Assalamualaikum

Before baby arrive, i thought i would have plenty of time on my hand. That i would be able to play with my phone all day long. Never have i've been so wrong in my life. 

Having a newborn baby took up almost all of my time. I didnt get eniugh sleep duringvthe night, eventhough i'm able to sleep i always wake up every half an hour  , checking the baby. Did i hear him cry? Did i hear him squeek? Does he breathing? Why was there no sound coming from him? There. The paranoia me. 

During the day, i would rush to take a shower, or have a proper meal. Having a proper meal is not really a highlight of my day since it was tasteless and boring, but i had no other choice. Taking a bath is no pleasure either. I always keeping my ears tune in to the sound of my baby. Did i hear him cry? Is he hungry yet? Did he poo poo? He will be cranky if he poo poo. There. The paranoia me. 

And during the day, there will be people coming to see the baby. And i have to dress up as proper as any women in confinement would. No, dont compare me to those VS angels. They were no human. There were not even a scar on those purrrfect body, much less an ounce of extra fat! 

I wouldnt get enough sleep during the day either. Why, because 1st: the paranoia me will took over. 2nd: there were so much to do during the day. It was such a wonder if i could get 15 minutes of pure sleep. 

Well, then how am i able to upload this if i really dont have time on my hand? Time management darling. Time management. Baby is a week and a few days old now, and i'm about to getting a hang on managing this little cutie. We have an agreement, you know. I feed him full, wash the poo poo. And he will sleep. And i can do whatever i want to do, for about 30 mins. If i choose to sleep, then sleep. If i want to eat, then go eat. Or else, i would waste my time blabbering about time here in blog. 

My friend used to say, nikmat yang tuhan tarik balik lepas dapat baby ialah nikmat kesenangan, sebagai ganti kepada nikmat kebahagian yang dikurniakan dengan hadirnya baby. 

So true my dear. And i would choose you, my son, over everything else. 

Nothing else matters, kata Nirvana. 

The birth date story

Assalamualaikum dear baby, 

I guess i'll be seing you today. You were actually scheduled to be born by 1st August, but maybe you are too excited to see Mommy and Daddy before raya, right? 

Alhamdulillah, Mommy and Daddy had enough time to prepare for your delivery, except for a few other things such as breast pump and ohh, you dont have tilam yet. Its ok, we buy that later k. Importantly you do have your mosquito net to ward off the bad mosquito. 

Mommy went for a 2 and a half day courses earlier this week, starting from Monday to Wednesday noon. Daddy was with Mommy during the last day, so we drove back home, settle a few things and prepare for a buka puasa. Just before the buka puasa, Mommy and Daddy talked to you and ask that you wait until maybe the 2nd day of raya to come out. But ohh Allah do have a plan for us, just after buka puasa, around 8pm, my amniotic membrane broke. 

And there we were, rushing to the hospital where your aunt Ika is working. 

On that day, you were 36weeks and 5days, only 2 days short of 37 weeks. You were considered as prematured. But everything else was normal, Mommy dont have any pain nor fever and you were doing great as well. During scan, you were at 2.69 kg. Your heartbeat was normal, everything else was normal. 

Our condition is called PPROM. You can googled it later. 

Then Mommy had to be admitted, and monitored to see if i will continue to have other sign of labor. Next day come, no signs coming. No contraction, no bleeding, no back pain. My amniotic fluid continue to leak, but doctor said its nothing to worry about. Doctor said to wait until today, 11th of July to induce the labor. 

The induce process will start later after breakfast. Hopefully everything will go smoothly. 

You will be born on Friday during Ramadhan alkareem. Mommy and Daddy pray that you will be a strong and a true Muslim. InsyaAllah we'll meet soon sayang. 

The a month story

Dear son, 

How are you doing inside? You really are full of wonders. Sekejap menendang time pagi, kadang time malam. Tak tentu ye baby. 

It will going to be a month from now. Mommy tak nampak kaki dah time berdiri. Tummy is as big as a watermelon. I wonder how it'll be like, having you in my arms. 

Do you think i'm going to be a good mother? Someone think to doubt it. 

Just be good inside there sayang. Mommy dont mind having you in there. I went a lot of changes while having you, and its all worth it. I know you are a hood son, never given me much trouble. I could still drive, i could still eat. You are there with me anywhere i go. 

And yet, mommy wonder..